LAP-BAND

When I look my stats of what people view on my page, one that is the top 5 is my post on LAP-BAND. If you don't know what LAP BAND is, it is an Adjustable Gastric Band that is designed to help you lose excess body weight, improve weight-related health conditions and enhance quality of life. By the reduction of stomach capacity and restricts the amount of food that can be consumed at one time.

If you are looking for more information about this procedure, please check out what the Journeylite lap band physician has to say.

I have been paid for this post.

Back In Iowa

Sorry I have been gone and unable to write. I went to Washington D.C. to visit my sisters and niece and nephew. I was limited on my Internet accessibility. But I am back have got stories to tell. However, I don't think that will be posting any on this site. You will have to visit. I consider this site to be more personal intune me.

Comfy Chair!

When I sit down to blog, I want to sit some where where it is comfortable. I have a recliner and a chair in my apartment. Both of which are pretty comfortable, then I saw this chair and I fell in love. This is what I want for Christmas. This is a Human Touch HT 7450 Zero Gravity Massage Chair. Can you just imagine getting a full body message while you work on the computer. However, I don't now think this chair would be safe for me because I am already addicted to blogging. I am going to be even more if I got this chair. I have been paid for this post.

Are you addicted to blogging?

Do you kind yourself altering your life to blog? You just may be addicted to blogging. Please take the Blog Addiction Quizto find out if you are addicted to blogging. If you are over 50% addicted, I recommend you join my Blogger's Intervention Group.

Please e-mail me at staciegaskill@yahoo.com with your HTML of your blog results and tell me your story of how you became addicted to blogging. I would like to bring us addicted blogger's together, to help us discover that we are not alone.

Hotel Reservations

As the Holiday season draws closer, people are making the their last minute plans. One part of your plans that you may be forgetting is where you are going to stay. If you need Hotel Reservations you better make them today before you are stuck sleeping in your car. With hotelreservations.com, you could save if up 70% off and possibly get $100 rebate. The time is now get your

I have been paid for this post.

Shout Out 2 those who participated

One my sister site Stacie's Blog. I have asked people if they wanted to do a link exchange with me. I would write a review about their blog and they would do similar. After the first few days, I have several responses which I made in my first Shout Out , and now after the first week I would like to make another shout out to 1 Million Love Messages, Speedcat Hollydale Page, Dat Money, Apu's Blog, Mental Poo, BUEN AMIGO, gozino. Thank you to all those who participated.

Slowly Finding my way back on the road.

My assistant softball coach, Tiffany, and I have become pretty good friends. The other weekend, her little girl, Laila, Tiffany, and I went shopping. All the way to the mall, we listened to Christian music. Something I have not done for three and a half years. (I used to all the time in high school). I only knew one song the whole 45 minutes of driving. That is when it hit me.

College life is almost over, I don't have to impress anyone any more. I have a boyfriend that I love dearly, and eventually will settle down; which, it is starting to right now. But now I am starting to think about what is really important in my life. Is it really that hip-hop music that talks about sex, drugs and violence? Or is all the distant friends that I have?

I don't mind some Christian music, others, yeah not so much. But it has a good message, something I can actually live by. I also like only having a few good friends. Those friend that I trust , are there for me, and would do anything for me.

I do think that people do have swerve off the road at some point to find out what is really important to them.

Sometimes you swerve off road and then manage to back on

Some people believe that you have to live everyday of your life for God and that you should never get off path. Although that is ideal, even the Pope can hits the gravel. "For all have sinned and all fall short of the Glory of God" Psalm 3:23.

Some time or another we will all hit the gravel and swerve back onto the tar. The gravel is a little bumpy and may be a little scary, but it usually doesn't last long, then you find your way back to the tar. Sometimes, though you can't find your way back and end up in the ditch. It will be a little harder to get back on the road; you just have to get a tow truck to pull you out. Sometimes you can get out yourself, it takes a lot of work but it is possible. But other times that tow truck is there for you, it holds on tight because it doesn't want you to fall any further. At this time, hold on tight. Take advantage of that help, and don't fight it. If your pull away, your truck will pull away, and their won't be any help until the next tow truck comes around.

I needed to know why

When I first started to going to college, I stopped attending church. I was three hours away from home. I was unfamiliar with the churches around this area. After a few weeks, I start to wonder why I was going to church. Was I going because my parents wanted me to? Or was it something that I wanted? Did I really know myself, and what I, Me, what I wanted for my life. For 19 years of my life, I was living the life that my parents wanted.

I don't want to say I completely rebelled, but I have done things and some I still due and others I don't. But at least the ones that I don't do anymore I can say, "I tried it and it wasn't for me." I believe there something you have to experience for yourself, to know why you shouldn't do them. Sometimes you have to learn things the hard way.

The last three years, I have been searching for myself and what I want in life. It has been crazy madness. For the longest time, I did not even want to talk about God with my family, except my mom. Every time someone mention God, I just wanted to run the other direction. It felt like they were shoving it down my throat. I tried so hard not to get mad. I trusted that what is meant to be will be. I have faith that it will all work out.

Shout Out

I would like to make a shout out to all those who were first to respond to Stacie's Blog:

Coolmristuff, Gadget News ,The O.R Blog For Bloggers & Internet Surfers,Billy Warhol's Billion $ Web3.0 Money Maker!,Billion Dollar Baloney,The Postcard Collector,Sinigang,The Process of a Miracle,Money Linkz, The Traverus Travel Opportunity, All About Daytona Beach, Make Money Online,Hot Real Estate Auctions,Make money Online~Work at Home Opportunities,Counting Carbs,Shadow Visitation, Prairie Visions, and Prairie Dreams,camaroman

If you see a blog title that grabs your attention don't be shy click on it.

My sister site

I have been busy the last two days trying to figure out how I can get more traffic to my site. On my main site, Stacie's Blog, I have started some new to my site. I want to do link exchanges with people. This is my plan

There is something new I wanna try to help everyone who wants it. Another way I want to try to increase people's traffic. If you want help I am willing to write a positive review, a blog post with a link to someone's site. I will, also, put a link and a brief description of your blog on the side of your site. For Example: "Ryne's Blog" that is listed on the right.

Only English Sites Please. I am not bilingual. Sorry!

The only thing I say in exchange is that you write a blog linked to my site or a link on the side. What do you say people? Let's give it a shot. What have we got to loose? Help me to help you.

Just add a comment saying you want to try it out. I will view your site write a review. In a few days, I will see you add my site to your page, if not your review will be deleted.

Thanks to everyone!

Get Car Quotes, Loans and more

Are you thinking about getting a new car? Well, now you will never have to pay full price for a new car again. Lets say that you are looking to buy a Honda. You can get Honda Car Quote. You will be about to get compare quotes prices. Get the whole sale price and have car dealer compete for your business. Don't be scammed out of money make sure that you are going to get a good deal for you money. That is where CarsBlvd.com comes in. Check it out and make a good buy. Now, this will give you something brag about.

I have been paid for this post.

Baby Kaelyn is so precious

I got to meet my new baby niece today. I went up there this after noon and she was just so sleepy. I held her for about an hour. before I went to my cousin's wedding. She is such a little angle. After the wedding, I went to see baby again. I got to hold her some more. She was a little more awake, but a little fussy. She has some of the funniest little facial expressions. I can't wait til the next time I get to see her.

Innovative Tutors

It is a dream for most parents that their child gets into a good college. Sometimes, learning can be difficult for some,. That is is why it is important for parents to get their child the proper help they need. The best way to do that would be to get an Innovative Tutor for your child. Do what it takes to getget the most out of your child's education. I have been paid for this post.

Catching up with an old Friend

When I went to Europe, I had meet this girl, Carissa. She was on a different team be sometimes we would end up at the same places throughout Europe. We kept intouch for a year and half or so. I have not talked to her for about eight years. We lost touch because I was moving around a lot and I didn't have a cell phone. Anyway, I googled her name and come to find out she is married to one the guys on the trip, which I knew, but she has a little boy know. Her husband Jonathan is a photographer. He is amazing, you got to check out photography by Jonathan Michael

Garage Flooring

Have you taken a good look at your garage floor lately? Looking at all of those cracks and oil stains, makes you want to spruse it up a bit. At carguygarage.com, they have the garage flooring for you. Or do you have new garage floor and you don't want to get is stained, with professional grade epoxy that will make it easy to clean.

Long and tiring Weekend

I have been really tired lately. This weekend I stayed up late. Then Sunday, I wanted to sleep in but I had to go to work. So I went to be early but my hamster kept chewing on his tunnel to his cage, and my wisdom tooth has been hurting and waking me up in the middle of the night. Monday night He was chew at his tunnels again so then last night when he was doing it I finally jst ripped the tunnels off the cage it was really pissing me off.

Payday Loan Quotes

At the end of the month, some people are struggling to get by. The are anxiously waiting for their next pay check. Next thing you know, you car breaks down and and you need to get money quick. That is where No Fax Payday Loans comes into play. Whether you need $100 or $1500 that you need, get your money by it electronically deposited and repaid from your checking account.

I have been paid for this post.

Kaelyn Sue

My brother, Scott and his wife, Jenna are new parents. This is Kaelyn Sue. She was 7 pounds and 9 ounces. Kaelyn is so adorable. I have not yet met this little bundle of joy, but I will get too on Friday.

I needed a Reading Tutor

One area that I would struggle at was reading. I hated to read and I still do. I never knew why I hated to read until now when it is too late. If only my parent would have recognized how my I abhored reading, I could have gotten Reading Tutors to help me. I probably would be a better reading right now, and would enjoy it. So my suggestion to any parent who has children that hates to read, Realize that they probably hate to read because they are bad at it. Help you child by getting them a tutor.I have been paid for this post.

Excited they baby is on its way

My sister-in-law, Jenna went into labor at 1am Central Time she is still in labor, that still has not been a baby. I pray that baby comes soon, because there is a lot of family and friends that is ready to meet him or her. I am sure Jenna just wants the baby to come out all ready come since she has been in labor at 16 hours. Poor Girl!

News no Christian Wants to hear

I received this as an email and I was disturbed

You may already know about this, but I just learned about a kids movie coming out in December starring Nicole Kidman. I believe it's called The Golden Compass, and while it will be a watered down version, it is based on a series of children's books about killing God (it is anti-Narnia).

Please follow this link, and then pass it on. From what I understand, the hope is to get a lot of kids to see the movie - which won't seem too bad - and then get the parents to buy the books for their kids for Christmas. The quotes from the author sum it all up. http://snopes.com/politics/religion/compass.asp Read this .

Launch of ChatterJam.com

Are you sick and tired of getting false information about products? Well then you have got to check out ChatterJam.com where service that helps build word-of-mouth for products and services.
THe Jammers tend to be from backgrounds in faith-based services and organizations - churches, NGOs, schools, creative communication, or simply moms or teens who are thinking about life from a spiritual perspective. They help companies in the entertainment, books, music, food, and beauty industries to understand the impressions their products make on this demographic. If you want to you can sign up to be a jammer and get benefits of:
- Receive new products for free
- Be the first to hear about new services and ideas
- Influence everything from music to books to movies
- Have exclusive access to special events and insider info
- Write reviews and discussions that directly influence new consumer products

Halloween

I only remember going out trick-or-treating once when I was little. My parents never allowed it. They always said it was satan's holiday. I don't know if that was the whole reason. Having 5 kids and not having a lot of money, halloween can be kinda expensive. My parents just bought us each a bag of candy so we still got candy but didn't have to buy a costume. Now that I am to the point where I am starting to think about the family that I am going to have someday. I hope one day God bless me with good, little, well-behaved, understanding children.

Angry Step Mom

It was January 22 of my junior year. Several people were talking about the accident, and how Cristy did not get into trouble for drinking. Hannah had claimed that when they were in the Ambulance that Cristy said she was going to take the same punishments as Hannah and Emily. She was said she was drinking so she going to pay the price. Well, I took Hannah side and not Cristy's side because I am not stupid, I do think she was think, she had before why would she stop? My step mother found out that I took Hannah's side instead of my oown step sisters.

I was in Kari Wagner's classroom after school. Ree came in and said can I talk to you. "Sure why not?" I was thinking. I walked out in to the hall. She was lecturing me how Cristy was my step sister and that family needs to stick together. I should believe Cristy and I should defend her. She asked me if I were aware that if Cristy got in trouble for this then she would not be volleyball captin, and be on honor society. (Little side note Ree had a daughter that died in a car accident at the age of 8). I told her, "You know I was going to say something to you, but I don't want to waste my breathe." What I really wanted to say is, "Are you not aware that your daughter should be paralyzed, if not dead, and all your worried about is that she is team captin. That is sad." But I didn't. I turned and started to walk away. She yelled down the hall as I walked away " Fine walk away from me. I don't think you realize how much you have hurt your father by moving out. That's it we're threw. You are no longer welcome in my house."

Like I had said before, I was in Kari Wagner's room crying every morning because of that witch. I don't think that Kari ever believed me until then. As soon as I had got into he classroom, I bahled. I cried so hard. Who does that? Honestly, thats a good way to make a fool of yourself. After that, Kari had no respect for her.

Car accident

My senior year, I remember getting a phone call from my father in December of my junior year at midnight. My step sister Cristy, and my two friends Hannah and Emiy had gotten into a car accident. They were on a gravel road they hit loose gravel and the car rolled. Cristy brused her back and Hannah, the driver, got the seat belt jabbed into her side. Emily, well, she was worst of all. She flew out of the car, and if the car would have from the side to the roof Emily would have been dead. Emily had broken er pelvic bone. Emily was in the hospital for several weeks. She had to spend her birthday in the hospital.

The big question was were they drinking? Hannah claimed that she was, Emily I believe was, but Cristy to this day is still unknow but to herself. She claimed that she was and then she wasn't she didn't blow enough for it show. However the thermanl cup did have alcohol in it.

I enjoyed living with my mom

I enjoyed living with my mother through my junior and senior year. It took sometime getting used to living with my step dad but he turned out to be a very nice guy. Yeah I am the youngest so when I was living with my mother she spoiled me. well more than my father. I had the whole up stairs to myself, Ihad my own living room with an entertainment center, futon, and fridge. I was nice to have my own space.

Family Life Insurance

As I grow older and my siblings are getting married, and starting their own families, one day I will be too. One thing I need to look into when I start a family is having life insurance because you never know when something can happy. I know that funerals can be expensive, I don't want to have my family in debt. But through Advantage Term Life, there are great life insurance policy for any one.

There are several Whole Life or Family Insurancepolicies. This whole life insurance is a type of insurance that provides you with coverage for your entire life. Premiums never inscrease and they do not expires. There are several other options to get quotes for peope whosmoke, mortgages, key man, or the second to die. Don't leave you family with the funeral cost. Get Family Life Insurance, today.

Never Regret

Just remember nothing is a waste. We live, we learn and we move on. Remember what happened in the past, learn from it, and move toward the furture. Never regret, everything happens for a reason. Whats done is done, there is no going back, it was meant to be that way. What will be will be.

We all have good times, we all have bad. It is how we deal with them make us who we are. You can be thankful, you can have faith, but never forget that God is next to along the way. He will give you the choice, give you the option, but never forget he will always love you.

Things got better

Once I moved in with my mom, I did not have to dread going home anymore. I didn't have to fear making my mom upset and what she is going to so when she did. I didn't have to worry about my mother making snide little comments to me as I walked past her. I could have a messy room, I didn't have wash the dishes, I didn't have chores to do every day. I got to go back an be a kid. I felt sorry her own kids.

Couldn't take it anymore

The begining of the school year going into my junior year, I was still living with my dad. I didn't go out for volleyball right away because I didn't not want to have to deal with my step mother. Basketball season was starting up, when I found a note on my bed that said, "You are not God's gift to basketball." There was more too it , but that is what set me off. I didn't know where to go or what to do so I went to my Aunt and Uncle's house, I could not stop crying. My Aunt called my mom. My mom came over and tried talking to me. I couldn't catch my breath I was crying so hard.

My mom had called my brother told him to move my stuff out of Ree's house. If there was any big disupte while he was doing it, my mom said to have them call her because she did not like the way that I was being treated, and that if need be, she would take it to court. It wasn't much longer after that I was moved in with my mom.

Very Greatful to Kari Wagner

Life was so rough in high school, parent being divorce, them getting remarried, step sister and cousin the same grade, and oh yeah my dad and Ree made me feel guilty about associating with my mother. Several times I had thought about killing myself. I did not want to go through life anymore because no matter what I did I was going to hurt someone. I thought that if I moved out my dad's and Ree's house that I would have hurt by leaving. So, I stayed there because I felt like I could handle it.

If it were not for Mrs. Wagner letting me come into her room and spill my guts. I would not be here today. I had thought about getting hit by a car or slitting my wrists, but I don't like pain so I felt that wasn't a good idea. Then I got to thinking about how I would have hurt my mom, my grandaparents, my siblings, and all the other people. I know that they would have done something in a heart beat if they really knew what was going on. Then I could help but wait until college when I would no longer have to live with the reminder of everything I was going through. Killing myself wasn't worth it I still had so much to look forward to.

Bad weather!

This is the 2nd time in 3 days that we have had a tornado warning go through Mahaska County. I have never been in a place where there are so many Tornados. I don't ever remember this many storms going through. I am not complaining. We were to have out Softball InterSquad World Series, however since it rained this afternoon, we did not practice. It was kinda a good thing because didn't have my meds and Wal-Mart had to order more. So my heart has been a thumping today.

The Next Day

The next day I had to go to all of my teachers and tell them that I did not get my homework done due to family issues. Only one teacher cared enough to ask me if I wanted to talk about it. I was trying so hard to fight back the tears. If it wasn't bad enough having a step sister and cousin in my class, I had to have step mother issues. I told my teacher, Mrs. Wagner, what was going on. Needless to say, every single moring until I moved out I was in Mrs. Wagner's room crying about something that had happened because of Ree.

Sophmore year BIG problems

Not only was Ree my step mom, and the mother of who was in competition with, but she was also the Freshman Volleyball coach. Let just say that Volleyball was not my strongest sport. As a sophmore, I played on the Freshman team. I was voted team captin because I really helped those Freshman with what they needed to know. In the middle of the year, I was moved up to JV because a girl got hurt. The was a weekend when the Freshman had a tournement and the JV didn't. I asked the varsity coach, who I had for a softball coach or three years, if I need to go with the Freshman. He said "yes."

Ree got pissed. Super mad. She thought that I should have asked her. That night I my dad took me up to the Preschool, where she worked, to try to solve this. I really did not think it was that big of a deal that I didn't ask her. Honestly it didn't even cross my mind. I didn't get any of my homework done that night because I had to have an intense conversation with many tear with her. I really didn't mean to undermind her or anything, for one I was a sophmore in high school, two I was used to going to the head coach because that is what I always did for softball.

Competition

It was cool at first having my best friend be my step sister, but then it got to be a little smoothering. Cristy and I were in the same grade, had the same friends, played the same sports, had the same class, lived in the same house. Lets just say we were as close of friends as were once were. It alway felt like I was always competing with her in those areas. It was either her or Katie I was competing with.Katie is my cousin on my dad's side. We were the best of cousins. Once again, were had the same friends, the same classes, we look similar. People were always getting us confused.

I just wanted to be myself and not have to feel like I was competing. I didn't get that until I went to college. I completely became a turtle. I did not hang out with my friends on the weekends because I knew that I would be with either Cristy or Katie. I got a job and had to work most weekends.

Dad getting remarried

After my 8th grade year before my freshman year in high school, my dad had asked us kids if would be alright if him and Ree got married. Inside something did not feel right, but my dad was convinced that God had told him that this was the right thing to do. Plus, who was I to stand in a grown mans happiness. Cristy and became step sisters.

Dad's Seeing Ree

My dad started to see Ree when I was in 7th grade, I think. My dad was always concerned about the best interest of us kids. He always asked us it was okay that he started seeing people. Ree was a women who he went on a few dates in high school. She has a daughter Cristy that was in the same grade as me. We were actually best friends. It was kinda fun at first, but I only got worse. My dad had Ree convinced that my mother was a bad mother, that she need to be our mother. It was trouble from there.

Washington D.C. Trip

Oh the joy of riding on a bus full of girls for 24hrs straight. We took two separate buses, one boys one girls. I slept about 85% of the trip. I got really at sleeping on buses since that is what we rode on in Europe. We toured Gettysburg, and Washington D.C. Spending time in the white house, the monuments, and museums. It was a great time, something fun that every school shoud do.

Grandma Passes

In 1999, my grandmother passes away. My grandma was on life support. The night before she pass I remember crying and praying to God that I did not want grandma to suffer any more. I didn't want her to be in pain and so I told him that if it was his time to take her away from me. The next day I went to the hospital to visit her and they took her off life support. I cried and cried I didn't want to say good bye. I didn't want to lose my favorite person in the world. I had to go back to school and hours after I left she passed.

She was the best grandma anyone could ask for. She let us stay over she would make us popcorn and put melted butter on it. She would play games with me and would let me win. I would play at her house while she would watch her soaps. Grandma would take care of me when I was to stay home alone. I would get scared, in the dark I would sprint to my house and Grandma would feed me.

I miss my grandma very much. If there were one person that I could bring back for the dead it would be her. I wish she were around when I was in high school. I think that she would have been the one that I would talk too. Sometimes I get really sad just thinking about her. I love you Grandma! See you in heaven.

Starting 8th grade

When I got back it was only a few weeks until school started back up again. I was excited for school to begin again. I had not seen my friends all summer. I was finally some what getting used to life. I was in eighth grade, which was a big year. It was the year where we got to go to Washington D.C. It was kinda weird though coming home to having my mom getting remarried. Life was going to start changing more from here on out.

Back to reality

I did not want the summer to end. I didn't want to leave my knew friends. I didn't want to leave Europe or God. I for the first time in my life I knew that God was there with me and everything was going to be okay. I had this peace. I could be myself, didn't have parents to worry about nothing life was great. I didn't want to go back to this unhappy life where I had to choose.

Sad day in July

There was a day in July while I was in Europe, that was the day when my mom got remarried. I wasn't upset because I was missing the wedding. I was upset for the fact that it was official that my parents would no longer be together. I would return home from Europe my mom would no longer be living in her apartment. She would be living with another man. It was probably a good think that I had moved to my dad earlier that year. I couldn't bare the thought of not living in my home that I had lived in for some many years.

Favorite Attractions

When I was in Europe, I had to make sure that in every country that I went to I had to have the ice cream. Scotland hand the most amazing vanilla ice cream. Solvokia had the best banana flavored ice cream. The skittles in Scotland were the best Skittles that I have ever had. Here in the US you eat a bunch of skittle you get a sugaray wad of saliva in my mouth. The skittles in Scotland, I could eat the whole package and none of that. It was amazing. My favorite candy bar that I had in Europe was in England. It is called the Lion Bar. Wafer, carmel, chocolate, Rice krispies YUMMM!

Switzerland and England were my favorite countires. I loved the mountains, the fresh water springs, and the fresh air. Englands land, the acsents, I don't know really I just loved it there.

Summer of a lifetime

Tami and I headed off to outside of St. Louis where we spent 20 days in "boot camp". This boot camp helped us to grow in ourselves, to experience God in a way that we had not done before, and to prepare us for what we could encounter in our adventure overseas. There was over 100 hundred of us on the Eurotrip 1 alone, in Eurotrip 2 there was about 50. Eurotrip to went to different countries than Euro 1

The next for weeks we spent traveling to 9 different countries in Europe. What we did there was we each were in groups whether it be puppets, singing/dancing, or drama. By doing this it would attract people to come and watch. While one group was preforming the other groups would go to these people and try to strike up a conversation about God and how one can be saved. You are probably thinking how can you do that when they don't speak English? That is where the miricales of God come in. He found some way to break that language barrier. Where it be they spoke English, or we had a little booklet of their language, or a friend of theirs spoke English and could translate(which was a double bonus).

I didn't personally lead anyone to God that summer. I was only 14 years old and a little bashful. So I prayed. I prayed for my friends and the people they were talking too. I prayed that God would forgive the sins of those who didn't know. I don't remember how many people were actually lead to God that summer, but I know that we made an impact.

Horrible News

I remember the night when my mother told us that she was going to get remarried. She had taken us to kids to Dairy Queen. Right there in DQ se told us that she was going to marry Dave. Why she did that when she did and where I she did it, I don't know. But I don't know what kinda of response the my mom wanted. I don't know if she wanted us to be happy for her or what but it hurt to know that it would be official that my parents would never get back together.

After my mom told us that, my dad was seeing a women, Ree. She lived there in town, but we went to her place and we all just cried our eyes out. This is where us kids were starting to get brain washed. My dad and Ree had us convinced that my mom did love us anymore that my mom had said that she put in her 20 years and now she is finished.

Mission Trip

The summer after my seventh grade year, my dad thought that it would be a good idea for my sister Tami and I to go on a mission trip. We were up for it. I mean it is not everyday that the chance to see a different part of the world. Tami and I both chose to go to Europe. We had to earn a little over $3,000 and get accepted byReign Ministeries to go on this trip. We had to fill out questions that were based on our belief in God. Needless to say, we both were execpted and both raised all the money thanks to the help of family, friends, and church members.

Tami and I were excited to go to Europe. See 9 different countries, eat the ice cream, but we were not excited to spend the whole summer together. We didn't get a long very well, but it was good for us to get to know each other better, and experience God in a way that we never did before.

2 years

They say when your parents get divorced that it takes two years to get use to it. I finally was accepting the fact that my parents weren't getting back together. My family becames more invovled in church. My dad always said that we need to pray that God would take away the pain. After two years, I finally was getting over it. I was going to youth group on Wednesday nights. Being at church just gave me a calming peace that everything was going to be okay.

Unhappy Christmas

It was the first Christmas after my parents separation. Christmas is to be the happiest time of year, family, friends, fun, food. But this Christmas was tough as a family we spent opening presents. You could tell there was tension in the air. My dad played the song "Wind beneath my wings" for my mom. How could you not cry? How could I not want everything go back to normal?

Why? I don't want to do it anymore

I didn't understand why a family who went to church every Sunday would get punished by having it be torn apart. I didn't understand why God was doing this to us. Why God? Why? Why the pain, why tears? Why do you have to make us kids choose? It is bad enough that I they are not together, why do we have to choose? I hate it. I hate it. I don't want to do this any more. IT'S NOT FAIR.

Mom's Boyfriend

Twice a year, my mom side of the family would get together and celebrate the grandchildren's birthdays. It was the night be for the birthday party and my mom told me that her boyfriend Dave was going to come with us. Boy did I throw a fit. I did not want him too. I didn't want want this man that I had never met before, the man who is not my dad to come with.

"Are you okay?"

One night, while I was still in 6th grade, my mom and I were watching TV, she evetually asked if I was okay. I said," Yeah, why?" She had told me that the school guidance counselor, who was also my friend's dad, was worried about me because I have been acting different. I just wanted to say "Duh, Mom. You and dad are separated. I don't get to see my brother and sisters as much anymore. I have no one to turn to. Do you think I am going to act different?" I didn't however. Why can't parent just tell? It is sad to say that the guidance counselor says I have been acting different and my mom didn't even notice.

Parents said they would try

For the longest time my mom would not talk to my dad. When they did, they had told us kids that there was no promise but they were going to try to work it out. Talk about false hope. But I knew that it would not work because I knew my mom was going out on a date with another man. I was often home by myself because my mom was out on a date. I remember waking up around midnight and my mom would just be getting in. If my parents were supposed to work it out why is my mother going out on dates? She never gave my dad a shot.

Starting 6th grade

When school started at the end of August I was in 6th grade. It felt so weird. Me and my friend Cristy, were the only one out of our group of friends whose parents were divorced or separated. It was less then 30 days since my parents got separated, and had to start school I had no time to greive. Something about me had changed. I was no longer that bratty little girl. I was now an only child, I had to take care of myself because my mom was working. I was quite, I didn't get into trouble for talking anymore. I walked to and from school because my mom had an apartment a block way. I would get home school, turn on the TV and eat something. Or sometimes I would play we with my friends that lived in town and no one knew where I was.

Couldn't bare to see my dad

The first weekend that I went out to my dad's I wanted to go, but I didn't. I wanted to be at home but I didn't not want to see my dad. I just kinda hoped that this whole thing out disappear. I remember just sitting in the car with my dad crying. I don't remember what he said, and some how I don't think that I mattered. I just wanted life to go back to normal. I didn't want to choose between my parents. I didn't want to. I felt bad for my dad because he was the one that got left. But I also wanted to be with my mom. I always wanted to be with her no matter what. She was my mom. When you get hurt who do you go to? Your mom.

Hole in my Heart

The is nothing like having a hole in your heart. A child of divorced parents is never truely loved as much as they are when their parents are together. How can this be? It is like some of the love that they had for the child got taken away because they needed that love to fill a hole in their heart. I don't think to this day that this hole is filled. Even though I am in a relationship with Ryne there still is a little whole there. A whole that I don't think will ever be filled.

Am I pyschic?

In the middle of July in 1996, I was sitting in my living room at home. I was watching TV and I don't know what but something triggered in my mind that my family is doing well. On my dad side only two of his five siblings were still married, but on my mom's side one of five was divorced. Next thing I know, my siblings and I went to the fair with my grandpa and grandma. We went back to my Aunt and Uncle's house. There my mom came in and she had told us kids that she had moved out. We were all crying. That is the most horrible feeling, knowing that you won't wake up and see your parents together. My mom told me that I was the only one that would be moving in with her because I had requested it and because it was only a two bedroom apartment. The rest stayed with my dad.

Trip to Colorado

When my sister Kerri was a senior in high school, as a family we took a trip to Colorado. It was fun. My Uncle gave us the vacation. We went in the mountains. Kerri got car sick, and tossed her cookies in a McDonolds cup. But when we were there, we were a family, did everything as a family. We went horse back riding, miniture golf, went shopping. I know we did more stuff, but I was only going to be in 5th grade.

Causing my parents to fight

I remember two intanstices where I caused my parents to fight. One summer I wanted to go swimming I was really young. I begged and begged my parents to go swimming. My mom and dad fought about it, and my dad gave in. My mom was going to take us into town so we could go swimming. Before we left my mom forgot to look at the gas gage. On our way into town we ran out of gas. My dad wasn't to happy because he had to come and get us. We never did get to go swimming. I can't help but think that my parents fought because of me. I hated it when my parents fought.

Another time I made my parent's argue I was about 10, my dad had earned enough money so my mom could buy herself a new dress. Easter was coming up and she was going to get a new out fit. I went shopping with my mom one day. She couldn't find herself anything, so I asked if I could get a dress. My mom got me a dress instead of herself. My dad was so mad. My mom was going to leave. She got into the car and my dad went after her. I told them they could take the dress back. I said mom could take it back. My parent's talked it out, and I ended up keeping the dress.

I always told my mom, because she had tried to leave to take me with her. I wanted to be with my mom. I always scared me that one day I would wake up and my mom wouldn't be there.

I was a Brat!

Growing up with 4 older sibling, I was always in a challenge with them. I would race them where ever we went. Ran to Grandma, and Grandpa's house, To the four wheeler, to the mail box. Every where we raced I was always running. So, when my friends would not play with me at recess, I would chase them down, tackle them, and start punching them. I was a little brat.

Learning to ride my bike

I was 7 years old and still had training wheels. It was really hard to learn to keep your balance on gravel. But i remember the day when I didn't have the training wheels on and I was going down a slope down to the hog farrowing house. I actually kept my balance going down it. I got good with my bike. I remember when I was going down our sloped driveway, I put my feet on the handle bars. My dad yelled at me not to do it. My grandpa and grandma had a U drive connecting to ours. I was going down my grandma and grandpa's side so my dad wouldn't see me. I put my feet on the handles crash-boom-bang, I fell of my bike I got scraped up by the gravel. I ran into my grandma's house crying. I was scaried that I was going to get into trouble. I told my grandma not to tell my parents as she was putting bandaides on me. I learned my lesson.

Scott's Fat Nose

Being the youngest, I had to go to my sibliings games. Back in the late 80's early 90's, I remember Kim and Tami would play little league softball, and my parents would take me. The fields that they played at had a huge park with a river right next to it. I always thought that it was be scary to going in that right. I don't ever remember that river being calm. There was one time when my brother and went to go play in the park. I remember looking for Scott and couldn't find him. I tried to tell my mom that I couldn't find him. We came to find out that someone took him to the doctor, because smart littley Scottie went into the baseball batting cage while someone was hitting. He took one too the nose. We would call him Scottie Pippen, and now he diffinately looked like him with his big knows. I told my mom next time Scott is not going to watch after me, I was going to watch after him.

Youngest of Five

I was born on June 6, 1985, in Iowa. I was raised on a farm with my three sister and one older brother Kerri, Kim, Tami, and Scott. Yep. That is right that would make me the baby. Life was good, life was fun. I have fun memories of playing swimming pool in our living room, making forts, playing house and school, but my favorite playing sports. I remember I could whoop Tami playing basketball. I would throw around the football with Scott and Kim. My favorite was having a big yard and we would play baseball. Of coarse we did not have enough players, so we had to use ghost runners. I remember I thought that my dad was the coolest because the could hit the ball over the road into the ditch on the other side. We lost a lot of balls in the ditches. We would go looking for them but we would come out with ticks on us. Man, I miss those days.

What this blog is about?

This blog is about the many paths that I have gone through in my life. Some good, mainly bad. I just want to write the memories that I have to get them out and get them down. I also want to write down where I am at now and where I am headed in life. Everyone one has certain parts of life that is not so pleasant. I know I am not the only one out there that struggles, but I hope that people read this and it either moves them, or helps them make a change.